Dear KMAG: 20200720 Open Thread

“So what (or who) was it you said you had in your freezer, Scott ??? 😆 😮”
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The problem with using a freezer — and you never see this in the movies — is that you have do something with all the food.
You can’t eat it all, even if you could defrost it quickly, which you can’t.
And you don’t want to throw it out, there could be $500 to $1,000 (or more) worth of food in there. And if you do take everything out, to make room for the body, it’s going to be hard for the freezer to get cold again. You’ve just removed all the frozen food that was helping the freezer to stay cold.
Now it’s just a big empty space, and you’re putting a large, hot chunk of meat in it. It could be days before it was really frozen. That freezer is going to be working hard, so I hope it’s relatively new and a reliable brand (if such a thing exists), because the last thing you need is to have the freezer die on you. And you know Murphy.
And another thing you never see in the movies, is that a frozen body is much harder to move around. It’s dead weight either way, but if it’s frozen, it’s staying in whatever shape/form it was in when it froze, which means if you ever move it (and you better move it… why did you put it in the freezer in the first place?), anyplace that might be a tight squeeze with a limp body is no-go with a frozen body.
And once it’s out of the freezer, it starts getting wet immediately, as it starts to thaw, which means you can’t get a good grip. And you’re leaving a wet trail of… something… wherever you drag it.
So there you are, sneaking around in the dead of night, with a frozen doubled-over body. The thing weighs close to 200 Lbs.; and it’s SOLID.
Even if you manage to get it outside without waking the whole neighborhood, now it’s really thawing fast and getting slippery. And it’s disgusting. Hope you don’t live on a hill, because when that sucker slips out of your hands, it’s like a 200 Lb. hockey puck.
And whatever it hits when it gets to the bottom of the hill, going 30+ mph, is going to make a LOT of racket, especially in the middle of the night.
And now you have to go get it, and drag a semi-frozen 200+ Lb dead weight back up the hill… or drive your car down to the scene of the… disturbance. Which is all good if the idea was to have as many witnesses as possible. But if that wasn’t the idea, well, this might not be the best plan.
There must be at least a hundred ways this could go bad, and I can’t think of even a single way it could go right, so if I was a cleaner, I would advise against using the freezer in the first place.
Probably best to just leave these kinds of things to the professionals.
😁