I broke the word “farewell” into its two pieces to express my wishes that you all fare well in the future.
But this is also a farewell in the more usual sense.
It is hard to write these words. I’ve struggled with this for days. It may be hard for you to read them; be assured it was very hard for me to write them and actually hit “Post.”
It has been reported by the other authors here that I was feeling “burned out” and they spoke the truth. That is what I told them back on the 30th when WolfMoon re-opened the daily thread schedule.
But as I thought about it more and more…I began to realize that under the immediate sense of feeling burned out is another problem. I’m feeling less and less like I belong here. There are a couple of reasons for this. I’ll explain them. But I’ll do so by a rather roundabout way.
Do all of you know who I am? No, I don’t mean my IRL name and address, but do you know who I am in the sense of WHAT I am?
And do you know WHAT you WANT me to be?
The two might not be compatible.
What I Am
For as long as I can remember, the universe has fascinated me; I absorbed books written for children on astronomy, then I moved on to stuff like chemistry and even things like how nuclear fission works. Remember when Wolf wrote about the isotopes of uranium? I knew that stuff by sixth grade. (NO, I didn’t (and still don’t) know enough to design reactors and bombs, and I still have no idea what the mathematics is like.) I also cheerfully admit I’d be lost in a chemistry laboratory. But I do speak some of the language.
I was that super annoying kid that I imagine most of you hated in school, whose combined SAT scores were over 1500. In fact, based on that meme someone posted about PDJT’s SAT scores, and some sites I found that would translate my scores into IQ and percentile–I actually scored slightly higher than he did. I must be the world’s most egregious example of an underachiever, eh?
I got a formal education in electrical engineering and computer science, which means a lot of physics, a lot of math (calculus is just the beginning), a lot of Maxwell’s equations. Then my masters in space operations where I learned astrodynamics. Of course, I’ve used very little of it since then because I went into software. And a lot of self-education on everything from particle physics to biology to geology to astronomy and chemistry–not enough to hold my own but enough to understand the broad sweep. I know a little about a lot, and a lot about a little.
Most importantly, I’ve concentrated not on just what they say the world is like, but why they think it is the way it is. Not just the conclusion, but a lot of the arguments used to support it.
Is this of value here? Only sometimes.
I have a hard time holding back when someone, out of ignorance (which isn’t a character flaw if you’re willing to fix it) posts something flat-out wrong. I’ll try to explain why it’s wrong. As often as not my explanation is blown off and I get a hostile response. Sometimes the explanation isn’t understood, sometimes I suspect I’m contradicting someone’s religion but either way–it’s rarely appreciated.
So when I see comments to the effect people want me to do science posts, I have to ask: Are you sure about that? I’ve got some beauts lined up in my head.
And when I tell you I’m no longer in a mood to let ignorant comments slide sometimes…are you sure you want me back?
I’ve alluded to knowing how one knows something to be true. I was thinking of specifics, but as a general question, it’s actually a branch of philosophy known as epistemology. And it’s implicit in the sciences, sometimes quite explicit; a large part of the gruntwork in science is determining the likely error in measurements and assigning a confidence to conclusions. There are also fairly simple rules for determining how many “significant figures” you’re entitled to cite.
Occam’s Razor is a (proposed) epistemological rule of thumb (and a fairly good one, as long as you’re dealing with inanimate things and not with people who could be trying to deceive you). But here are a couple of others, ones I think are pretty solid.
1. It’s important to correctly identify things; words mean things. Attacking this principle is an attack on rational thought itself, which is why the Left does it, and why we cannot afford to do it to ourselves.
2. Emotions are not tools of cognition. You can’t determine what is true from your emotions. That’s not to say emotions have no place at all; there’s no need to go Vulcan. But their role is in evaluating facts, not determining them.
So when I try to correct a mis-identification, and get the responses I got, and then the justifications I got…those responses tell me a lot about you. Some were purely emotional. I can understand (though not agree) with that. The worst, though–yes, the worst–were those from people who told me I was technically correct, but they planned to go ahead and misuse terminology anyway. Put bluntly–they’re declaring their intention to lie.
I really don’t want to be around that.
[Nebraska Filly, put your mind at ease–I’m not leaving because of anything you said.]
And here is another thing you may or may not be aware of about what I am.
It has been mentioned, from time to time, that I am an “unbeliever.” Another term for “unbeliever” is “atheist” which, going back to the Greek, is literally, “without a belief in god.” Any god. Which means we are not Satanists, because we don’t believe in him either–contrary to the assertions of about a million fools I’ve encountered over the course of my life.
So I, as of right now, refuse to mince words any more. I’m an atheist. (And I’ll bet at least five of you just became glad I’m gone, simply because of That Word.) I give your beliefs as much credence as you give to–say–Hinduism. If you ask why, I would counter by asking why you give Hinduism no credence. Chances are good my reasons would be very similar. The difference between us actually is: Instead of rejecting all but one system of religious belief (loosely, belief in a supernatural power or powers), I reject them all.
This is a tough stance to take in today’s society. I could tell the three of you who are still reading this some stories, but I’ll hold back; this is already overlong. Suffice it to say, anyone in the United States who feels “persecuted” as a Christian has never been in the shoes of an atheist, and has never had to deal with the treatment an atheist gets at the hands of some Christians.
My blog is moribund. I’ve not written anything for it in years, but in between the science articles, are articles I wrote when I was still quite bitter about that treatment. My attitude now is that if you don’t start a fight, there won’t be a fight.
I’ve let pass a few gratuitous swipes at atheists on this site. Were I to remain, though, that would change–and I would likely again be jumped on by everyone. But those swipes tell me that I–the actual me–am not considered fit to associate with, by some people here.
Even leaving that sort of bigotry aside, it remains true that there is a vast gulf between me and Christians. You don’t make sense to me, and I’m sure I don’t make sense to you either–I’m sure of this because I’ve seen more than a few rants about how clueless we are. But I can go through life without having to pay attention to that gulf most times, with the exception, of course, that I’d better stay silent.
I bring up the whole atheism issue because lately I have noticed a trend here–this site is resembling, more and more, a big revival meeting.
It is your privilege to do so as Wolf is not only allowing but encouraging it.
But it holds no value to me. I have to go through more and more of what is, to me, meaningless noise, but I am expected to “respect” it, even if only by remaining silent–while knowing that if I posted my opinion on such matters just once in the vast sea of overtly Christian postings, it would get little to no respect and certainly wouldn’t be greeted by silence.
As the great Q tree Revival atmosphere grows more pronounced, and there is little or no Q and a shrinking percentage of Trump here, I feel more and more out of place.
What You Want Me To Be
As near as I can tell, the only things you actually want from me are cheerleading and snark and the occasional interplay with Morose Marica. But guess what, folks, it’s a package deal. You get that, and I will feel free to call you on nonsense, scientific and otherwise…and you’ll dismiss my critique and get angry at me. Rather than go through all that, I’ll just take the package deal off the table.
Closing
I wish you all the best.
But truly, I don’t belong here any more.
And I’m not sure I ever did.
