When a Crutch is a Good Thing.

Remember your first apartment? We all started out with nothing. We had no “stuff”. At 22yrs old, I was shocked apartments did not come equipped with sheets, blenders, pots and pans, etc. Rude awakening…… I was so naive. The acquisition of stuff comes slowly. As we move from home to home, we weed out items no longer needed. We have garage sales when the kids outgrow baby gear or leave for college. By the time we retire, we wonder, “Where did all this stuff come from?”
I remember my first apartment well, and I needed a lot of “stuff”. The budget could handle $100 at every pay period for shopping at Zayre…. for ironing boards, a pitcher for iced tea, knives, cutting boards, a coffee pot, plants for the balcony, shelves, books, shoe trees, a vacuum, and lots of pots and pans. Still, on a budget, I became a garage sale queen. Along the way, a little guy in Miami beach taught me the power of buying wholesale. By the time I cashed out and moved home to New Orleans, my dad mocked my quest to make a silk purse from a sow’s ear……. born from necessary thriftiness……… he swore he would bury me with a can of white spray paint…. Yet, I was comfortable with my little pile of stuff and had enough stuff to at least be comfortable.
When we moved into the big house, the need for “stuff” was overwhelming. It took decades to outfit the house. The scale is bigger. Everything a home would normally need …. put a zero behind it. There are 13 bathrooms here, 14 couches, 6 refrigerators, and on and on. Still, being the thrifty chic, a shopped many flea markets, auctions, garage sales………. until one day, I came home with 12 used wooden crutches, $.25/piece, $3.00 total sale. That was 1994.
Husband helping me unpack the car: “What the hell are you going to do with used, POS wooden crutches?”
Me: “Oh, not to worry, I’ll find something to do with them.”
Husband: “The attic is going to cave in! You have too much stuff  up there.” 
While I agreed with my first husband’s fiscal prudence, it was the stuff in the attic which paid our bills and afforded us a nice lifestyle, while we banked money for his construction company to grow. He scoffed, shook his head, and endlessly debated every small purchase, wondering how my mind worked.
Wouldn’t you know it? 25 years later, I gave away my last crutch this weekend, for a retirement party, the crawfish boil this weekend. I dressed up the crutch with a big bow and FEDEX logo. It was my girlfriend’s gift to her husband. Her speech was beautiful. He was her crutch, little bit of extra help, holding her up for the 46 years they have been married. They raised beautiful and successful children. He mentored hundreds if not thousands of executives in his career. He helped to make his community better through boy scouts and his church. He served his country through military service. Truth is, if he died tomorrow, his eulogy would take 2 pages in the local paper…… but he’s onto something else, another chapter, mentoring troubled kids. Yeah, the truth us, he didn’t need a crutch…….. HE WAS THE CRUTCH to so many, throughout his life.
She cried, he cried, we all cried. Perfect gift…. cost me $.25. Her speech made it priceless.
Now, I need more crutches. I’m out. I started thinking about all the things we did with those crutches over the past 25 years.
Because we live so close to the school, teachers would often grab me for help. Quite often I would look out the window to find a class of kids “taking a field trip” in our backyard. I didn’t mind and encouraged the idea…. with chocolate chip cookies, etc. We never had to worry about broken windows or vandalism because the kids viewed our house, in a way, as their house. One time, a frustrated history teacher and his class appeared in the field out back. It was a gorgeous spring day, and the kids were restless. The teacher decided to stop fighting and let them outside, but they needed something to do. I bounced down from the attic with wooden crutches and we ran relays…… fresh air and exercise…… for an hour…….. back to class…. with a cookie… Easy peasy.
As a thank you to the girls basketball team for acting as my brides for a bridal show, we hosted a small party for them. We blindfolded the girls and made them run relays with crutches as one event.
Had a girlfriend, dying of cancer, with young children. Girls got together to cheer her up. I spray-painted a wooden crutch, all white, put fake flowers and a bow on it. No reason she should not look special while she could still go out. She was loved.
A young veteran came home, injured, part of a huge family. I painted one crutch red, white, and blue stripes, with a big red bow. He’s gone now, of suicide, but I was in the home recently. His parents left his room undisturbed….. crutch in the corner as a memory from a happier day.
Son of a dear friend was at St. Jude’s for an extended stay. It was a sad time for us all. My first husband had one of his carpenters cut down a crutch and reconfigure the arm rest to child size. I decorated it. The child was endlessly optimistic, not understanding how ill he was. He showed his crutch to everyone, proudly. It made my heart break.
Mother-in-law broke her ankle and was prescribed a “specialized” crutch for $350+. She passed. Called me when she got home, requested a crutch “in her size” (like I was a local distributor), and added…… “But I want a pretty one, dress it up a bit.” and finally, “I wear a lot of purple, blue, and reds”…… so…. her crutch was supposed to match her wardrobe. Got it.
We had retirement parties at the house where we hung crutches from picture molding with bright streamers…… in the formal dining room. People wondered, “How did you get that idea?”……”Oh that’s a clever idea”. Me, “Oh, just something we had in the attic.” Necessity really is the mother of invention.
Every 40th, 50th, 60th birthday party or retirement party (Fire chief, police, Mayors, teachers, and a nurse) beget a special crutch and a warm tribute. Sometimes we hung a wreath in the middle of a crutch and placed it on a front door… grand entrance, for a retirement party. One by one, all the crutches found new homes.
But all the crutches are gone now, and gee whiz, I might need one in a few years. Ha! 25 years worth of good memories….sad times…. shared together……. all for $3.00. The attic bares a slightly lighter load, a little bit less “stuff”.
We’re going to have to find a way to give away refrigerators…..